Healing

I was just thinking, as I rocked my sweet boy to sleep (in his baby straight jacket of course)...about my life. I have been "good" at most things I have tried my entire life. I was "good" at sports, I won tons of trophies and ribbons (the days before everyone got a ribbon for breathing), I made All Star teams in all different sports, made All District, All City in basketball in high school. I won certificates and medals for playing the piano. I even wrote a play in high school that won an award. It was about an abusive dad, so I am still wondering to this day if I won because my teachers thought my dad was slapping me around (which he wasn't, kind of makes me laugh though if that is why I won). I have been Teacher of the Year, Humanitarian of the Year, I graduated from college with honors....But who the flip cares right? The thing I am most proud of, the thing I have done best in my life is to help create the sweetest, most beautiful boy in the entire world. You could offer me a million dollars or you could tell me, "Gosh you are a good mom" and I will take the latter. It is amazing how much I have healed over the past four months. You never get-over loosing a child, you never forget, but you have to move forward. The dips are not so far down that you cannot pull yourself up. Daniel Cole Walker has made me whole again.