Wednesday, September 9, 2009

"That Mom"

As EVERYONE knows...I returned to work this week. It has already been quite an adventure. I was lucky enough to have 18 wonderful weeks at home with Cole - 12 weeks per FMLA and the 6 weeks that I normally have off in the summertime due to my contract with PISD. I truly enjoyed every single day of my time with the baby, but I needed to go back to work, for lots of reasons.
Financially, we are definitely looking forward to getting a paycheck in September - mentally, I am a person that must be challenged each day - physically, I need a schedule (just ask Dan) - emotionally - ahhhhhhh...that is the one I have not quite figured out yet. I know it has only been a few days, but I am struggling with leaving Cole each day, even though I know in the long run we will be a happier family with me as a working mom.
I strive to be the best I can be at everything I do. I want to be a great wife, with a clean house, dinner made each night, clothes folded and put away, a good assistant principal that is respected by her peers, students, and parents, and on top of all of that, a mom that puts her child first, every minute that I possibly can. I am just trying to figure out how to be "that mom". I know that I don't have to be perfect, but I want my son to be proud of me for all that I do for him, because of him.
As the days go on, I am sure I will figure out how to balance it all. I felt guilty for a whole 30 seconds today as I gathered my stuff and left a school meeting early. I needed to pick up my sweet boy from Ms. Debra's house. Mommy needed some extra cuddle time and he was definitely a willing participant. I just wish he could have kept his beautiful eyes open for five more minutes before he drifted off to sleep.

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